Justin's Archive Issue 1

       A little letter to all teachers,

               As students, we don't hate you all. It isn't just programmed into our brains that no matter what 75% of you will be despised by students. There are reasons why 75% of students despise any teacher at any time. But don't worry, I am here to help. Please let me tell you why this is, so you can work on it and reduce these figures. And to help you out, I'll also address each issue to former Cubs catcher/team cancer, Todd Hundley.

1) Don't be harsh on tardiness or be stringent on every student having to be in their seat when the bell rings. Todd Hundley bitched about not starting one game. Tardiness and starting one game don't matter, so why make a big deal of it?   This is the first step toward us hating you.

2) Don't be inconsistent. If you are going to be an asshole, consistently be an asshole to everyone. If you are going to assign nightly homework, check it everyday, otherwise we will stop caring because we don't know if we are ever going to get a grade for it. No matter what it is, don't lapse in it, at least let us know that you think you know what you are doing. With Hundley, we consistently knew he was going to bitch, so we at least weren't afraid to boo him, because we knew he would do something like flip us off or something of that manner.

3) Don't give pop-quizzes. There are several things that can make a student hate a teacher instantly, and this is up there. Under NO circumstances should pop-quizzes be given, because the only message it sends is that you want to penalize us.   If you want to tell us the day before that there will be a short quiz on the homework, that's fine, but at least give us some fricking warning. You look like a sadist by doing this. This can ruin a student's morning quicker than it takes Todd Hundley to strike out.

4) Don't make the class routine. This is when we start to sleep, this is when we start to daydream, and this is when you lose us. If there is some variety to the class, at least people will have to pay attention because we don't know what's coming next. Todd Hundley would occasionally have those games where he would step up, and have a 2 home run, 5 RBI game against the White Sox where we would almost think he could turn it around. He never did, but it always seemed to give us something to look forward to.

5) Don't wake us up immediately if you see us sleeping. If we are sleeping, you have two choices.
          a.Embarrass the hell out of the student and/or make use of a squirt gun (the spray bottle for the overhead should do fine). This will make the class more interesting, because we will have fun seeing their fellow classmates soaked or embarrassed, along with the suspense of if you will see us sleeping. It also will work as a deterrent to keep us from sleeping and actually have us learn something
          b.Let us sleep. There are few things that make a student angrier than being woken up when they just dozed off than being forced to wake back up, pay attention to the lecture that they just fell asleep to, but know if they can't try to go back to sleep because you are watching them.
          c.In Todd's case, you know you suck, we all know you suck, so why couldn't you just sit on the bench when it was clear you weren't wanted/ sucked massively? I mean, come on, throw us a bone here, you suck, why should you have been played?

6) Don't give us busywork. Giving us busywork while you just dick around on your laptop is basically telling us to not learn. If you are done with the lesson, there is nothing wrong with saying to us that we can just sit around and talk for the rest of the period. When you give us work, it falls into the pop-quiz area of where it seems to just piss us off and not help us learn. We are either going to
         a. sit around and talk, not doing it, not learning the material, and hurting our grade (otherwise known as a Todd Hundley specialty. Not running out a ground out, not working the count, just hurting the team).
         b. sit around and talk, eventually copying it, not learning the material, helping our grade
       c. or actually do it However, these are like the people who keep score at a baseball game. They are there, but you don't often see them, and you wonder what their reasoning for doing it is.

7) Don't work against us. Giving us the benefit of the doubt it will always make students appreciate you more and think of you as a human, not some bastard who we have to fight against. On a math or science test, if we don't round correctly, does it really matter? We did the problem right, we know the material, and we just put 7.76 instead of 7.764. The student knows how to solve the problem obviously, and is in a rush since it's a test so they are on a time limit. Why not just give them full credit? Is it going to hurt you somehow? No, its just you being a prick if you mark down for something like that. It makes no sense, like Todd Hundley switching back to being a switch-hitter when he was struggling from his far superior side of the plate. How would the remotely make sense? "Well, I suck from my better side of the plate, why don't I just go to the side where I hit for a lower percentage and less power?!"

8) Don't mess with our grades! When it comes to our quarter/semester grades, ROUND UP. My GPA would have been .2 higher sophomore year if one of my teachers had rounded up my 79.8 to an 80 (yes this actually did happen, and yes I'm still pissed off about it). The student obviously worked hard and fell just short, why not have a soul and give them the higher grade and put a smile on their face? This is our lives here, and a B or a C can make a big difference when it comes to applying for colleges, and also whether some of us are yelled at or praised when the good old report cards come home. For instance, Todd, its bottom of the 9th , we are down 1 run with men on 1st and 2nd and 1 out. Just help the team and take every pitch, either walk, or strikeout. DON'T swing. You will ground into a double-play, its inevitable, so why swing? It hurts the team, and does nothing for your stats

9) Don't just lecture. Try to connect with us. Any person can go to school, learn a subject, and then lecture people on it. It is much more difficult to teach us, because to teach you need to connect with us and make us want to learn, or at least feel like if we don't learn your going to send us right up shit creek. There is a reason you went to college to be a teacher, and your job is listed as a teacher, not as "Guy who knows a lot about Math". Making us work isn't a bad thing as long as we feel like there is a reason we are doing this work. If you can make us feel like you want us to learn, that you want us to do good, and you want us to make your tests look like jokes. If we feel like you are on our side, we truly will want to learn, not just feel obliged to come to you class. Todd never gave us this feeling, he instead gave us the feeling of the teacher who would torment his students, occasionally crack an inappropriate joke, and look to see if girls are wearing thongs. Not the nice teacher, just the weird guy who got a teachers diploma.

9b.   Learn our names, and how to pronounce them. An easy way to piss someone off is to not know their name, and then mispronounce it once you think you have learned it. You can't connect with us if you are calling us Jack when our name is John. (I love being called Jason. I'm amazed of how consistently I can be called Jason. My name is Justin for Christ's sake, if teachers mess that up what the hell are they going to call people with crazy ass names? For instance, Todd, the Cubs sell 25,000 tickets plus every game and are known as having some of the most loyal fans in sports. You have to learn this. Why flick us off and talk shit to the fans that basically pay your salary? You should have been apologizing and giving them 100 dollar bills for the highway robbery known as your contract. (4 years, $24 million. Makes you want to walk into oncoming traffic, doesn't it?)

9c.   We don't all have the same intelligence level. Please realize this and act accordingly. Don't make the kid that stutters read a paragraph out of the book, don't make the kid who sweats like a pig when he has to speak in front of the class, and don't question the kid who is just barely hanging onto a D talk about how to solve an equation or to discuss the meaning of the passage. That is just cruel (An exception is if the kid is a stoner or just doesn't do any work because he doesn't want to. I have no problem with attacking these kids, because they bring it on themselves and they can help it if they would just do some work). I'm pretty sure Todd is combination of the stuttering kid, the kid who doesn't care, the class slut, and the kid who gives you weird looks all the time.

10) Don't make it all work! Have some goddamn fun! You get to work with a bunch of kids everyday! You get to shape and affect our lives as much as anyone outside of our parents! Enjoy it, and be yourselves! (Now for my anger). Todd, you are a major league baseball player, for God's sake enjoy it. You get to play baseball for a living. Can it really be that bad? Bitching and moaning isn't the way to regain your swing or get the town to warm up to you. Could you watch The Sandlot and not feel like a son of a bitch afterwards? You're a professional athlete, enjoy it!
I hope that all this will help teachers and Todd Hundley better understand how to adequately use their time and opportunity given to them, and to learn that if they follow these 10 Rules, their problems in their profession will be for the most-part solved.